The Times We Had
by Tsuki Doriimaa
Summary: Duo reflects on a few moments of his life on a special day, where he'll once again be reunited with his beloved.


~ The Times We Had ~  
  
By: Anime Redneck  
  
4-19-03 ~ 6-8-03  
  
'  
  
Warnings: Deathfic, songfic, really all there is, goofyness in there  
  
Disclaimer: The Guys ain't mine, neva will beh. Amanda Marshall's "Beautiful Goodbye" ain't mine neither.. bu ah do own meh truck and tha plot! And ye canna 'ave either! ^_^  
  
'  
  
oOo@oOo  
  
Lyrics  
  
oOo@oOo@oOo  
  
-="You'll figure what this means at the end part"=-  
  
~ * ~ small time jump within the flashback  
  
Flashback start/end ~ * ^ * ~  
  
.  
  
~oOo@oOo~  
  
.  
  
Misty clouds, loud figure cheerful voices greeted everyone that entered the vast Celestial Memorial Park. At least, that's what most noticed. Running bodies, laughing faces, dogs chasing frisbees... a picture perfect sunny afternoon. It wouldn't stay that way for long though. Off in the east storm clouds were held at bay by a swift moving warm air current. They wouldn't be held off much longer before the whole city became a flood with the gray-silver clouds' wrath.  
  
And, to one person, this didn't matter at all. Let it rain. He didn't mind. Even welcomed it.  
  
The man was a lovely sight to behold. Standing near six foot two with a head of fiery chestnut trailing down in a snake like braid stopping beneath his firm rear, conveniently outlined along with long slender legs by form fitting jeans. His moderately broad shoulders and strong toned chest were covered by a black and silver Chinese style shirt; the front showing off an embroidered silvery-green serpent like dragon snarling angrily at a crystal ball held in the palm of it's clawed paw. Silver trim rimmed the bottom, sleeves and neckline leaving the back of the silken top completely blank, except for the two silver-gold scythes that crossed in an 'X' between his shoulder blades.  
  
His exceedingly long hair had wild looking bangs hanging into a cherub face framing it softly, while they tried to hide the dancing violet eyes peeking out between the wind ruffled strands of silk. His skin was smooth as the feel of Deer fir, as lightly tanned as that of a peaches skin, lips usually always curved into a welcoming smile.  
  
The lad was the talk of the town... on more then one channel.  
  
Depending on who you talked to he was the hottest guy for miles around. The best guy to be with, his attitude towards everything, everyone was friendly and welcoming, always ready to flash a smile to cheer another up, crack a joke and share some fun. The ideal guy.  
  
Then, depending on the others you spoke with... he was also known, as the saddest man in town...  
  
Today was September 4th, AC208.  
  
It was looking to be a good day...  
  
Depending on who you spoke to...  
  
.  
  
oOo@oOo  
  
Fed up with my destiny,  
  
And this place of no return,  
  
Think I'll take another day,  
  
And slowly watch it burn,  
  
oOo@oOo@oOo  
  
'  
  
Keeping his pace light and normal Duo made his way towards the gazebo in the parks core. He didn't believe he'd make it before the rain started, still being a good distance from it, and honestly, he could care less if he did. Some things just didn't matter... little but one did on a day like this.  
  
It was something he did every year, every month, walking to the gazebo. A normal thing really... lots of people did that daily to enjoy the view from wooden piece of art. It was octagon shaped, as many are, had a full platted roof keeping the rain away with benches lining the sides. A beautiful flower garden was planet around the base only ending the length of the stairs.  
  
So then why was his going there any different from others?  
  
It was something many wondered, but none dared ask. Some it seemed, knew when his visits would be to the small sanctuary, for it was always deserted... As if someone had personally sat there the days he came to shoo others away and vanished long before his footfalls could be heard coming.  
  
Maybe instead it was that he'd been going there at odd times through the year for the last three years... Or it was the saddened, brooding look on his face as he approached, that those in the park instinctively knew to stay away... to give the man his space.  
  
For whatever reason it was vacated on his visits; he was eternally grateful. There was no earthly way he could have dealt with anyone on his visits. It was solely their time... though he was the only one seen sitting in the color filled place.  
  
He did this day like that of the others; slowly climbing the steps, after stopping outside to smell the flowers newly bloomed. He would walk full circle in the small 20x20' building, then choose a bench in which to sit, breathe in heavily, letting it out in a shuddering breath and then stare... His violet eyes would dim, looking into times past as the wind played with his bangs, tugged at his braided tail...  
  
Today though, as his lithe figure stepped up the three stairs into coverings warmth, he was soaked to the bone slightly shivering. He had been correct in thinking he'd not make it to the gazebo before the heavens opened up and let the cleansing rainfall.  
  
It was all right though... He couldn't feel it anyways.  
  
Hs body shivered, goose bumps crawled along his arms and legs, his drenched clothing settled heavily upon his shoulders and flesh... his braid hung like weights down his back... yet he felt it not. His mind barely registered he was cold, hardly noticed the extra weight from his clothes and hair as he sat upon a bench stretching out to watch the falling torrents of rain.  
  
It was a beautiful day.  
  
The rain fell in tiny silvery drops on trees, grass, flowers, people... everything, making small puddles of rippling grays... A calming sight; it always had that effect on him. The rain. Always able to calm him and wipe away the problems burdening his soul...  
  
People said long ago that rain was the Angel's tears. Spoke that those tears falling from Heaven were able to wipe all your cares away; and he believed them. They said that the tears cleansed a troubled soul and helped one to find their way again... that it was as if the Angel's themselves were coming down to personally lift away all that bothered a person...  
  
That... he could not believe... No matter how much he strived to... No matter how much he wanted to... He just couldn't...  
  
How could someone... someone that was supposed to help ease the pain... over look him? Was he so little to everything around him, that he wasn't worth the cleansing too? Did he not have pains wished to be wiped away? Why... Why did every time it rain, was he still left with all his pain?? Why!?  
  
Sighing he shifted on the seat bringing his knees to his chest, wrapping arms around them as he laid his head down, still staring into the falling droplets.  
  
It had been three years... and he still visited this place... He didn't know whether to pity himself or feel more saddened then he already did.  
  
.  
  
oOo@oOo  
  
It doesn't really matter how the time goes by,  
  
Cause I still remember you and I,  
  
And that beautiful goodbye...  
  
oOo@oOo@oOo  
  
.  
  
~ ^ * ^ ~  
  
"Duo!"  
  
Turning I grin waving to the man running up to me, as he waves back. I'm a lucky bastard. I could care less what happens to me in my life, I could've been blown to hell in the wars, lost a limb on the job, go slightly deaf... Things others would dread... But ya know... If I could keep him by my side through it all... I wouldn't care.  
  
He's my heart, my life... my Love.  
  
His ebony hair shines so bright in the high noon sun as it dances around his head. Gods it was hell trying to convince him that he looked better with it down then he did with having it up. heh, But I finally got him to wear it down. Took me damn near a year to do it, but I did! And Gods above, he's beautiful...  
  
His skins a radiant golden bronze, a natural coloring if you can believe that! Ya know how long someone like me would have to stay outside to get a tan like that? heh And his is natural. Lucky devil! I laugh watching him. He's got eyes the darkest chocolate they look black. Took me awhile to figure that one out too. I think I scared him that day... definitely know I unnerved the hell out of him!  
  
I mean I snuck up on him while he was reading a book and snatched it out of his hands to lean over him, bracing myself on the chairs arms, just staring into his eyes. It was weird I know, but the mental debate of what color his eyes actually were, was getting to me.   
  
Black or Brown?  
  
Sooo, after confiscating his book, leaning over to stare in his eyes and ignoring his protests, I just kept watching. Watched as his eyes shifted to mine, then his book and back again... looked around the room and back to my face again. It was cute, he got this little flush on his cheeks that was barely noticeable, but thanks to that day, I can always tell when he's blushing now. Otherwise I'd never known he could.  
  
After a few minutes I finally pulled back a little watching him breathe a sigh of relief I'm guessing, but I was grinning widely as I let out a "Sugoi!" and just stood there, watching him. He got a little unnerved finally asking me again what the hell my problem was. I laughed shrugging and stood up going "They're brown". That threw his for a loop, took him a second but he figured out I meant his eyes... Then, heh, he blinked his sweet almond eyes in confusion (which was too damned cute) and said, "Of course they're brown!" like it was public knowledge. I just grinned, shrugged again and chunked his book back at him walking off.  
  
I was happy, I'd finally figured out his eye color! So my mind was put to rest and I moved on to other things.  
  
Hmm right, where was I? Ah yeah, he's got golden skin anyone wanting a tan would die for, large almost eyes of darkest chocolate... soft silky hair that flows freely around his face, framing it lightly. He's handsome... small lithe body, long elegant fingers on strong hands... heh A true God if ever I saw one. Should see him in a pair of jeans... Mmm mm mm! Yummy!  
  
"Hey Fei what kept ya?" grabbing him in a tight hug I smile and give him a sweet lengthy kiss in front of everyone on campus. heh I don't care. I love him with all my heart and soul. What anyone says will never change that. But... I think I just gave his kids something to talk about for a while.  
  
He's smiling at me, but his eyes hold a loving glare, "Duo..." Yup, definitely gave his students something to talk about now. Wonder if they'll still pay attention in class long enough not to imagine what we did when we got home. I grin mischievously at him winking. "Your incorrigible, you know that?"  
  
"Yeppers!" Giving a salute with my free hand, the other trapped around his waist I nod, "But that's why ya love me so" sticking out my tongue I pull him along, "Don't worry, I won't change on ya."  
  
He shakes his head, "I should hope not!"  
  
"I won't." I promise, and damned if I ever change. Nope, never, not me. Anything for him. "Sooo..." I prod again, "What keptcha?" I can see his mental refusal to not bring a hand up to pinch the bridge of his nose and smile softly at him.  
  
"Kerin..."  
  
Ah... it takes me a minute to go back a few days memory filing and pull out just who that is again... He has way too many damn students! "Kerin is the umm... that' s the chick you think if hopeless, right?" Just for the record, our versions of 'hopeless' airn't the same. Totally different.  
  
"Yes... and no." he shakes his head slipping his free arm around me as we walk, "She's a bright student, very exceptional, but... she has a low self esteem problem and secludes herself off from everyone around her."  
  
"Why is this a problem?" Sort of sounds like Heero if you ask me, just not that whole self esteem problem thingie.  
  
"It is a problem, Duo, because of the field she wishes to go into. One cannot become a doctor and not like to be around other people."  
  
Ohhh... "Point taken" very good point indeed! See, I couldn't remember that part. Fei's a great professor at the local college. I know what he teaches, two classes, but sometimes between the things I do and being with him, I forget that his students take other classes as well. Apparently for this Karin chick, his class is a side hobby of hers or something, another step in a degree she's aiming for. But yea, that's a good point. Can't be a great doctor if your not willin' to be around people. Gotta have that open connection ya know?  
  
I pat him on the back pecking his cheek with a wink, "She'll be fine Fei-babe, you'll see! Could always invite her to the carnival with us and Hilde next weekend. We could get her openin' up in no time!" Fat chance there. Naw, not that we couldn't take her to the carnival, but that she'd open up that easily... Usually if people are like that their whole life, it's a hard thing to draw back from and change. It takes lots of time for something like that to be changed. But maybe being around peoples she knows (or sort of knows in Fei's case) it'd help her to get acquainted with others. Worth a shot anyways, I'm always up for helping people.  
  
"Maybe" he agrees nodding, thoughtful look in his eyes. You've really gotta love 'im! That's my babe, always about bringing justice into situations. He's a big softy; he won't admit it, but hell if he can hide it from me!  
  
"Come on! Race ya home!" with that and another pat I head off across the colleges front lawn for the streets with his surprised "DUO!" and running feet behind me.  
  
See, we don't live that far from campus. We could walk if we wanted to, do at times, but we only live a few blocks away in a penthouse in the middle of town. Ain't fancy and it ain't a dump. It's perfect for us. The others loved it when they came to visit, said something like the blend between American and Chinese was done "Wonderfully". I could only grin and hug Fei tighter.  
  
"Duo get back here!"  
  
"Nuh-uh! Ya gotta catch me!"  
  
"Maxwell!!"  
  
I laugh glancing back at him, I'm sure my smile would split my face right then at the look of him. Small flush from the days heat and running dusts his cheeks, his eyes are lit up and the best part... the part I love so much... Is the honest to Gods happy smile on his lips. It's not an amused smirk, not a smile just for my sake...   
  
He's truly happy. And with me...  
  
No one could know, least maybe him, how much that makes my soul rise and fly with love. It's one of those things that happens when he's with me. Sure, he'll smile for others sometimes, but it's not the kind he gives me.  
  
"OFPHH! Wha-the, Fei!?" Maybe I should have set the terms of surrender a little higher, then maybe I wouldn't have just been tackled by a lively Dragon.  
  
"Caught you." He whispers in my ear as I wiggle on my stomach beneath him, just before I feel his hands slid from my shoulders down my sides and stop. I go still holding my breath, wondering what he's got up his silky sleeve this time. It didn't take long, his long fingers started moving and digging into my sensitive skin. Honestly, never tell your lover that you're ticklish! It'll be a weak spot the rest of your lives!  
  
Laughing insanely (for a man of twenty-five grant you) wiggling beneath his torturous digits I try getting him to stop, try begging him but every try gets cut off by laugher or sucked in breaths of air. Finally though, I get enough movement to flip over and give a halfhearted glare.  
  
"What?" his almond eyes glitter back happily, trying to look innocent as his fingers slow to a stop. He might be able to look a bit more innocent then I can, but I ain't buyin' it.  
  
I also choose not to mention the crowd of students that stopped walking around to watch the two men rolling along the ground laughing like kids either. Instead I shake my head smiling. Gods he's too much. "I love you" I whisper leaning up capturing his lips in a light kiss, drowning in it for the time we're connected.  
  
He pulls back, a tender look in his endless eyes and a smile his own, "Wo ai ne" he murmured back then took a quick glance to the side eyeing the standing students and I swear, his cheeks colored more! "I believe it is time to make an exit" Nodding to his suggestion I stand with his hands help and lead him off campus smiling silly.  
  
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~ * ~  
  
'  
  
Three days later we went out to dinner at Expresses Best; Fei said we deserved to go out once in a while... Which if you think about it, is funny 'cause every other day it seems we're going out somewhere to eat or we're ordering in. Neither one of us really like to make messes in the kitchen or clean them up. Don't get me wrong! I mean we can each cook, me not so much, but Fei's a master of the arts and can whip up a gourmet meal in under an hour. Well more like forty-five minutes, but that's just depending on what's for dinner. Anyway's, he's the best.  
  
So walking we went to Expresses Best, which is supposed to be a restaurant that houses near every sort of fast food you could think of. Sounds disgusting and a little more then fattening, huh? Trust me, I thought the same thing. I personally can't stand to eat fast food but maybe once a week. I can't stomach the grease in everything.  
  
But despite the name's giving's; it's nothing like that. Yes, it houses tons of fast foods that you'd find anywhere around the world, yet they're all made there. Secretly I think they got all the recipes from the franchises and changed them around. Fei's has sensitive taste buds, he can tell you almost anything that's in a meal, well, almost anything. And he's assured me that Expresses Best *has* changed the recipes around a little bit, there's things in there that weren't at the places I'd drug him to during the wars and past. They're also a lot less greasy and must not be much on the fat scale that counts 'cause I ain't gained a pound from eating there. Go figure.  
  
It was as we sat down, ordered our fill and waited that my mind called up the reason we were really eating out besides spending time with each other... There was a kid it seemed, Milly... Melvin, Mack, Micky... hell something with a 'M' name... Anyway, this kids on the Dragon's "To Strangle And Hide The Body" list. Seems our playing around on campus two days ago had all the girls swooning, staring starry eyed at Fei all day I guess wishing it was them or wondering what more went out. But the guys of the class had whistled and joked with him on some things. But this Macky guy was being a real ass to him, making snide comments and basically not only pissing Fei off, but the majority of the class as well.  
  
My Fei's got very honorable students. Some might be slackers, not know what the hells going on half the time and goofballs. But what every one of them have in common is that they respect "Professor Chang" and make do on never being anything but polite to him. They also dislike seeing anyone being anything to him but like they would. So they didn't take kindly to Pain-in-the-ass-Macky being a pain in the ass to him.  
  
I snicker smiling. Fei-love said the guys (though he's nicer and said 'young men') on the varsities football team threatened the little pipsqueak with glares and meaningful grunts... That, my dear friends, is all it took for the shit head to sit down, stare at his desk and shut up. Fei said he smiled thankfully to the team and went on with class, the others looking quite pleased with themselves.  
  
Chuckling I smile at Fei as he fingers a loose strand of hair behind his ear. I think he should give them all a day off and let the little crapper be forced in class all day doing work while we sit there and talk, eat whatever while he works. You know, just something to piss him off a little more. I'd just *love* to hear a snide comment from his mouth while I'm there. Bet he won't be saying anything for a few weeks to come if that jaw's wired shut. Whattaya think?  
  
His kids are great though. If they don't excel in something then they make up for it in personality and wits. I've met some of them mind you, I've heard about almost all of them in one fashion or another, but I've only met a few of them personally. I have however, seen all of them in the room together at one time.  
  
I had come to campus early that day bring lunch for the both of us. His class before lunch is the one he adores, his best (though not always brightest) students he loves to talk about are in that one; it's also the class before lunch. I walked down the halls, nodding to a few kids I knew, some senseis... rounded the corner and paused. There was a lot noise coming from Fei's room... mostly laughter.  
  
Now if you know my Fei, or rather knew him during and a year after the wars, you'd know it's not easy to get him to laugh or crack a joke. But when you do it's the sweetest thing to hear, his laughter; it curls around you like a warm worn blanket, sounds like water flowing through a bubbling brook... It's something one doesn't forget easily I can promise ya. And then his jokes! The damned fool picked up a habit for turning almost anything into a joke if he was in the mood, and with his sharp wit and skills... lets just say I've been the bunt of his jokes more then I can count.  
  
I think he's making up for all the times during the war when it was my jokes on him. ^_^  
  
Anyways! Minds wondering on me, foods still not here yet. Heh Bastards. Laughing I move my foot under the table kicking Fei's to quickly look away innocently. It earned a cute scowl-glare from him.  
  
Right, so I stopped to listen to the noise labeled as laughter and wondered what the hell was going on? Fei's class never laughs. Well not like that anyways, someone's always being a goober and making some small joke over something he did or someone else did or said, ya know, just to keep the class entertaining... Not that Fei isn't good at keeping the kids attention, but ya know, gotta add your own fun to it! I decided to see what was up. If they were going and carrying on like that then it must've been something damn good! I didn't wanna be left out of it!  
  
I walked in the room swinging the door open wide about to say "Hey Wufei!" 'cause his kids don't get to call him by his first name and I didn't wanna embarrass him or anything by just calling him 'Fei'. But lot of good it would've done anyways! I walked in mouth open to greet and stopped short staring.  
  
There, standing in the room's front in all his glory was Professor Chang with five kids beating each over the head with his pointer stick. Which I'll tell you now is one of those extending metal ones! I only heard a few choice jokes, words around the kids to catch what was happening and boys and girls I'm shocked! Mr. Wufei "I will stand for nothing less then your best" Chang-Maxwell was breaking up a fight over Chevy and Fords with his brotherly pointer stick logic no one could ignore!  
  
Betcha those heads were hurting! I had laughed but still no one noticed me there... Those heads must have been pretty damned hard 'cuase they'd just swat his pointer away before bickering something at the other group... it was two against three... couldn't tell who was with the Chevy's and who the Fords, but it sure was funny as hell to see Fei getting overly annoyed, eyes shinning with mirth.  
  
Obviously he wasn't upset of the class being disrupted (or how) for a fight over which truck was better then the other because he looked ready to laugh himself! I swear to thee Gods; he was on the verge of laughing. I kid thee not! Then again, I snickered. He was also eyeing a damned thick looking book. He'd look at it, look back to the kids, raise an eyebrow and go back to the book. He was debating whether abandoning the pointer for the book would get better results.  
  
Personally, hey, I'm all for beating someone upside the head with a book when they deserve it or ignore previous beatings by something else. Lord knows I've had to do it in the gym class I teach at times, but those were solved by throwing lovely footballs or the occasional soccer ball; depending on who was fighting and how bright they were. Ya know, choose your weapon according to how many brain cells you thought were worth killing?  
  
I decided to save the five brats some cells and walked over behind my love without him noticing; though I did catch the eyes of nearly everyone else in the room, both male and female. What can I say? I'm a cutie! I winked to them all, grinned and picked up the yard stick off the blackboard and started poking Fei every time he whacked one of the guys. Funny. As. Hell. Class might have been loud when I entered, but it was blasting ears by the time they all left.  
  
I laughed nearly twenty minutes into lunch as and after everyone else had long gone. It was too damned funny! Fei would whack the guys, I'd poke his shoulder, back, butt sometimes, he'd yelp, glare at me and go back to trying to break the fight up. heh Wasn't working for him so I whacked the yardstick on the desk twice, loudly, with enough force any more might've broken the wooden thing and got everyone's attention that way. I had grinned, nodded towards their Professor and hopped on the desk listening while they laughed at us all; paying attention enough to catch what Fei yelled out for their homework before filing out of the room with the campus bell sounding.  
  
So not all Fei's kids are bad, but this Macky character certainly has gotten to him. I don't even know what the hell was said, Fei won't tell me! So I can't really help him there if he won't tell me, and threatening the kid it outta the question 'cause he won't let me do that, even if there's just reason for it. He's all for just things, but this one time, he won't let anything be done for it. Who knows maybe he has his own thing planned out?  
  
Whatever the case, he won't let me do anything about it. Won't tell me what he said, so I can only be here for him and reassure him that whatever anyone says about us doesn't affect us. We are who we are and only we can change that. What anyone else says can only make us stronger. Corny, I know, but eventually you hear near all the possible things one can say about you, or what you are. You listen or ignore it... take it in, think it, consider what was said... Ya know you can only find truth or fault in what's said, nothing more. As much as it's been said it's true: "It can only hurt you if you let it." And ladies and gentlemen... you're dealing with two overly stubborn people here. So bet your bottoms, most then not, it doesn't faze us; gives us something to think about at times, but doesn't change us.  
  
Ah but we're at dinner! No time for past thoughts right? If Fei-love can handle this one his own then more to 'im 'cause I've got a few lunches planned at the school later in the week, we'll see each other again there. heh Not like we don't already, both working there and all... heh oh well.  
  
The food finally made an appearance; we smiled at each other and began to eat. Mostly it was a quiet dinner, if we talked it wasn't about school, wasn't about the kids we taught. We spoke of the other guys, wondering how they were doing. It's been near ten years since the Eve Wars ended, peace has long reigned since, and it's been another two years since we lost contact with the guys. Not one word.  
  
Hee-man's (yes I know the significance of that name) last I had heard returned to L1 becoming it's newly elected leader around AC201. Seems his head for order, getting things done and taking no shit - not to mention being a formal Gundam Pilot, made him a prime target for the colonies. Have no never mind I never pegged him as one to get involved with political affairs like that but, well... I guess being around Relena (who's like a sister to him) has taught him a few other things... Given him something to live for. For which I'm eternally thankful. Hee-man was starting to worry me there for a bit. His life was war, training, piloting, war... Ya know? We've got peace now and he didn't know what to do with himself. Traveling around the colonies for a year he still couldn't find something to suit him. But Relena fixed it. She's quite a gal, hope she finds someone that can keep up with her and deserves her.  
  
Q-bean and T-man hooked up three years after the war, had a nice wedding. I'd be lying if I said it was 'nice n' small'... and I don't lie. It was a *huge* ass wedding! Ya had the forty (self nicknamed) "Mighty Men" there with their families... then ya add in Q-beans twenty-nine sisters and the ones that have families... Then us three goobers, some Preventers... well alright, damned near the whole staff came to watch! Add in the caterers, the staff, the staff's families'... heh and you've got a mansion's back yard full of people!  
  
So they tied the knot, moved to one of Q-beans cooler estates on L3 I think... I'm willin' to bet that they actually split things up between L3 and L4... I'm not sure, but can ya honestly see Q-bean giving up his home colony for anything? Ya know he wouldn't desert his people like that. So I'm sure it was something like a year there year here kinda deal going on but anyways... We haven't heard from them for near two years now. T-man stuck it out with living the life with Q-bean, as his security guy no less! Please. Q-bean ain't as cute and innocent as he looks, definitely not during the war and more so now that T-man lives with him! I laughed when Fei brought that up with a straight face!  
  
Gods... I wonder what they're doing now? All of them, out there in space... We're on Earth. I think besides Relena, we're the only ones on Earth. I'm sure the others visit sometimes, Relena that is, but we haven't seen them.  
  
.  
  
oOo@oOo  
  
We staggered through these empty streets,  
  
Laughing arm in arm,  
  
The night had made a mess of me,  
  
Your confession kept me warm,  
  
oOo@oOo@oOo  
  
'  
  
We chatted on a bit about L5; Fei-love's colony that was blown up back in AC196 had finally finished being reconstructed four years ago, most of its population put back. I know! I know, Gods trust me I know... It's not the same, the people are all different and anyone that Fei-love knew is dead and gone. There's nothing we can do to change that fact, but still... Fei's happy to have "his colony" back... because honestly... it is *his* colony. Even though the original was blown the smithereens and back, he remained as the heir to it. It was the Dragon Clan's fortune that went for rebuilding the entire thing.  
  
We still moved to Earth though. Fei has some ruling over the colony, but not enough that he need be there; just enough to know what's going on, gets reports on everything. He's even got a few of Q-bean's "Mighty Men" in the higher ups of it in his place so he *knows* that things are being done, and being done right. They keep him informed, keep things running and get paid for it. That's all Fei-love could ask for; all he wanted.   
  
After having his home colony self-destruct right before his eyes... it was like a never-ending hurt of let down. Like he was the cause for that destruction. And I guess... in a sad, twisted way... he was. Treize wanted that gundam, wanted that pilot even though he didn't know who it was at the time. He used that colony as an example for the others... and my Love paid the price for it... To this day, he will not forgive himself... He has taken an overly serious (though always clear headed) approach in making sure that everything on the new L5 runs smoothly without a hitch. Granted he can't help all things, but any repairs, anything major, it all goes through his "Mighty Men" to him and back with the answers.  
  
It amazes me as we walk through the park cuddled against each other on the way home. He's still Dragon Clan heir... the last... truly the *last* of the Clan... and he's so strong through it all. I wouldn't be. I'd crumble in on myself and fall. I know I would. What I went through and what he did was so different and yet the same where it counts, but he had so much more happen... so much...  
  
What amazes me though, my mind wondering again, heh... Is that he added me to that list. What list you ponder? The list of Dragon Clan members. Granted, I'm not a *true* honest-to-whatever-God they believe in member... but his marriage to me, has invited me to that wonderfully small world. People, I'm on his damned account! Do you know how large that is? Never mind, money doesn't matter. It never has and never will. Only where keeping the colony running does it matter... Love is all that matters to us. We've had this set up a while, since we married... If anything happens to him, it goes to me. If anything happens to me, it stays with him. If, Gods above forbid, anything happen to the both of us... It might seem a bit overbearing... but it all gets put on Q-bean and T-man's shoulders, them and the few "Mighty Men" that are working on the colony.  
  
I fear that. Honest to God and Shinigami alike, fear that.  
  
That something... only anyone knows what... will happen to him, or me, or both... That one-day we could both be so happy together and live forever by one another... and then wake up some day to find out that he's gone. I'm alone and have nothing to live for but to keep the colony running, to keep teaching my gym classes...  
  
What is that? It's not a life... Sure you've got things to do... You've got kids that look up to you, admire you... hell even have crushes one you! You've got thousands of people on a colony so many hours away up in space depending on your decisions that will either help keep the place running, or could just as easily bring it all crashing down.  
  
That's not a life. It could masquerade as a life... You've got kids around you, you've got acquaintances you've met over the years that wish to be real friends, but you know will never be more then just that; people you know. Where your "real friends" consist of about forty-eight people you trust with your life and love to different degrees... But that can't get you through life. If it ever happened to me, I'd be a robot. No better then what I teased Heero about being during the wars. It would be an existence. Not a life. Just something that had to be done, and I was the only one that could do it...  
  
It's not life unless you've got love with you. You may have your real friends, who you love, but it's a brother's love to his brothers or sisters... nothing more. It could sustain you for a little while... but you couldn't live on it alone.  
  
If I ever lost Chang-Maxwell Wufei... My life would be null... obsolete... I'd be a walking husk and no matter what anyone would ever do... that's all I'd be.  
  
And that's what scares me.  
  
That through all the wars we've been in together, all the OZ attacks, captures, breakouts... Everything... We've lived through it all with a few broken bones, scratches, but nothing permanent aside from scars. That through all that shit... I fear we'll have peace like we do and suddenly one of us will keel over for some stupid ass reason! Like being shot 'cause some smartass wanted to rob a store. Dying in a fire from a building we couldn't get out of; a car crash. I mean these are minuscule things! We're Gundam pilots! Well *were* Gundam pilots! If we can't find a way to get out of each situation alive or with only a few scratches... I'd be pathetically disappointed. Insulted to the highest degree that we lived through the wars just to die 'cause of asses that couldn't drive, people to loved fires and dicks that wanted to try being stronger then they are without enough brain cells to have need of robbing a damn bank or store.  
  
And that is what I fear no matter how many times I try and silence the fears, make them slip away... their always there, always present in the back of my mind like a tickling feather ever to lightly. I know Fei-love has similar fears so I'm not alone in them, but we'll never mention them. Never put voice to what haunts our darkest thoughts... Because... ancient as it is... We fear putting speech to those thoughts will make them real. Forever do we not want that... never in a day, would we speak of them to cause them to solidify.  
  
Snuggling closer to his side, near the point of barrowing into his jacket, his warmth I suddenly ask, "We'll be together, right Fei-love?" startling even myself with voice soft, light with a slight tremble I couldn't hide. It wasn't speaking of our fears... well not enough we'd worry about, this is something one or the other has brought up now and then, a simple question, so much meaning. "Forever, right?"  
  
Peering up at him closely, I know my eyes shimmer, I know my voice quaked a little but I didn't know if it was from unease or from giddied happiness that I knew what his answer was going to be. And, like the times before, it came on a voice so smooth, rich, like a whole new warmth wrapping itself around you with the love carried in it, "Always and Forever, Duo-koi... This I can promise."  
  
And I don't ask how he can promise it. I just nod, giving my brightest smile before squeezing him tightly. It is a promise. One we both give willingly with no way to explain *how* we know it's a promise, how it can actually be kept... We just know it will.  
  
"Hmm... I love ya Fei-love" I smile again closing my eyes. I don't need them... Fei is all the eyes I need, he's already got my heart, half my soul... with those he could guide me anywhere and I'd have no trouble stepping straight and true. He'd never let me fall... never.  
  
"Wo ai ne, Shi-koi" heh Death Love; abbreviated version, it's cute. We head on home in silence, each just content to be with the other. The last thing I do before taking leave of all thought, all senses but feeling him beside me... is make a mental reminder to light the fireplace when we get home... It's friggin' *cold* out here!!  
  
~ ^ * ^ ~  
  
'  
  
"Forever..." the whisper lost on the howling winds was barely heard even by he who spoke it. The rain had become an unforgiving down pour with winds that would whip any small sapling from it's earthen home. Yet through it all that form huddled on the gazebo bench hardly took notice of that around him. His eyes were locked away behind milky lids, seeing yet not seeing...  
  
.  
  
oOo@oOo  
  
And I don't really miss you, I just need to know,  
  
Do you ever think of you and I,  
  
And that beautiful goodbye...  
  
oOo@oOo@oOo  
  
'  
  
Forever... They both had promised that so many uncounted times over the ten years, and even now they still promised it, though it was a silent voice, like their fears.  
  
It was funny that way, Duo decided as his eyes, as violet as the setting suns mixing fingers played. Fears. Everyone has them. Some acknowledge them and conquered them others either don't give a damn or don't know they have any. Which was down right stupid for anyone to think. If you didn't have a fear of something... then chances were you weren't alright up stairs... few screws loose or the like because everyone had fears.  
  
Of course... he called him a fool for such a thought. He had fears... *had* them, that is. Now they were gone. A storm had plowed through one year, rains cleared his mind and with that took the fear away. Probably took more then that, he knew, but he didn't fear anymore. Had so much to do now that there wasn't time for it...  
  
And Wufei... his Fei-love... he was free, off doing his own thing now. Duo couldn't help but let his mind wonder to what he was doing now? Was he off Oceanside watching the waters edge off Misaise Cliff, like he so loved to do? Or perhaps down on the beach side just watching the waves roll in lapping at the shore, creating that calming sound he loved to lay back in his arms to listen to... fall asleep to...  
  
So many things had happened since then. So many memories... and every single one of them he wouldn't change for the world. They were all precious to him, very precious... Like diamonds in the sand that one never finds, so rare and beautiful... however the difference between his memories and those diamonds were his were so much more rare, and he knew where every last one was stored, could call them up and replay them like it had happened yesterday... crystal clear images...  
  
.  
  
oOo@oOo  
  
When I see you now I wonder how,  
  
I could've watched you walk away,  
  
If I let you down,  
  
Please forgive me now,  
  
For that beautiful goodbye...  
  
oOo@oOo@oOo  
  
'  
  
Shifting, shuffling his feet 'round to face the small wall behind him Duo drew his right knee up crossing his arms over the top, plopping his chin down to look over the empty, vast rain soaked field. It was near glimmering with the pools of water all connecting to look like one huge pond with his little gazebo the floating vessel of it all. He'd get up to go play in it if he thought he could... his legs were heavy and cold, body wracked with shivers and chills, he couldn't move more then he had. Walking home was a dream at the moment.  
  
As he watched the rain, metallic silver glints falling to earth when the lights caught them... he could've swore he saw a face appear before him, but when he blinked it was gone again, replaced with the falling liquid once more.  
  
He shook his head. It was comforting, and disconcerting at the same. He knew he couldn't really be seeing Fei's face in the waters fall or the clouds above... Gods help him in his own home! But be damned he did!  
  
Near everyday, he saw smiling lips; bright love filled chocolate pools, silken hair disappearing around a corner he'd chase after only to find... nothing there. Foolish! He shouldn't have expected anything to be there... nothing at all. Why? Why had he thought that? Why had he been seeing the faces the last month? Haunting him even in his sleep... he got rest. Gods above did he ever get rest when the faces appeared to him, best rest he'd had in years, literally. They were no twisted nights, terror stricken dreams and waking with startled yells in the middle of the night.  
  
No... Someone smiled down on him this last month, for whenever the faces of his beloved appeared to him, he slept like a baby. Safe, warm, contently buried in his thick blankets covered in warmth as he dreamt of happier times. It scared him a little though.  
  
What had he done to be seeing such things? What had changed? Had something happened he didn't know about? Or possibly was it just his mind playing tricks on him? Ones to get his hopes up then drop them like a ton of bricks. He didn't know, truly guessed he didn't care if he ever gave it time enough for thought. But he had kids to teach and they loved him. Said he looked the best yet that he hadn't three years go. It was nice to hear... but he was lonely... so lonely...  
  
.  
  
oOo@oOo  
  
In these days of no regrets,  
  
I'll keep mine to myself,  
  
And all the things we never said,  
  
I can say for someone else,  
  
Cause nothing lasts forever, but we always try,  
  
And I just can't help but wonder why,  
  
We let it pass us by,  
  
oOo@oOo@oOo  
  
'  
  
He jolted slightly, eyes remaining closed as familiar warmth enveloped him. He sighed, refusing the urge to lean back into that warmth bonelessly. It was wonderful, pure bliss... a sensation he hadn't known for three years now. He missed it... Gods above how he missed it so much... it ached.  
  
It had been minutes before, while his mind left body to wonder about on it's own, that his eyes had spotted the sweet bronze tanned face wavering back at him through a pool of water sitting by the gazebo. It was smiling... forever smiling at him. His heart fluttered, skipped a beat, just like it had every time for ten years when that smile was given to him. His Smile, just for him.  
  
"Forever Fei-love... you promised..." it came out as a sigh while he leaned back slightly.  
  
-="Forever Shi-koi... as promised..."=- the voice whispered in his ear, -="As has always been told..."=-  
  
He knew that. Just had to hear it. Some words just held power all their own... and some words... is all you had to hear at times to be at ease. "How is it there?"  
  
If he could see behind himself, he'd notice a warm smile and watery eyes, -="Wonderful"=-  
  
"Hmm" he'd guessed so, anyplace his beloved went was bound to be wonderful. He wanted to go. Wanted to get away from all that surrounded him, leave and never come back, but he wasn't sure he could do that... There was so much left to be done, but he'd been here for ten years, never leaving, always living.  
  
A chuckle came from behind, one that made him jump a bit, startled that there was actually a shaking to his frame that was not his own. The sound washed over him, calming his frayed nerves and reigning in his overflowing emotions. It enveloped him in another warmth, different from the feel of strong arm around him... it was a loving warmth, one his love's laughter always held for him.  
  
-="And you all call *me* the justice bound honor boy!"=- he was laughing that time, full blown laughter that nearly made the braided man cry. Gods how he longed to hear that time and again! But had been denied him so. To hear it again...  
  
.  
  
oOo@oOo  
  
When I see you now,  
  
I wonder how,  
  
I could've watched you walk away,  
  
If I let you down,  
  
Please forgive me now,  
  
For that beautiful goodbye...  
  
oOo@oOo@oOo  
  
'  
  
"Fei..." a plea, a question, longing and want all rolled into the three-lettered name. All asking what he was too rattled to. He wanted, needed, to be set free; but he couldn't... There was so much... What of everyone else? Wouldn't they miss him? He'd gotten in touch with them... He meant, well... wouldn't they?  
  
-="Duo-koi... still your worries, all will be fine... We made sure of that long ago..."-= such silly fears to someone lesser then they, but he knew of them. Knew the worry for everyone left behind, knew that if they left they'd be missed... again.  
  
"But the colony! Quatre, the kids Fei-love!" Oh Heaven's above he was damned if he did and damned if he didn't! Q-bean, Hee-man, T-man, Lena-chan... his Mighty Men brothers... they'd all miss him. His kids...oh Gods what poor sonofashit would be choose to teach his kids?! He couldn't leave them... So much... and yet... yet so much awaited him more if he went. Gods above forgive him but he was...  
  
-="Winner is strong with his koibito, Duo. Your children"=- there was hints of laughter on that word there, for they both considered those they taught as their children. You couldn't help it really. When you taught the same kids, people, for four years, you grow attached to them even if it wasn't the wisest idea in the world. But then... then you had those that would come back every so often just to "check up on you", to make sure you were well, see how things were going... then, that made it all the worthwhile. -="Your kids will be fine lover o'mine, do not fear... Like mine they will grow, learn and always remember you."=-  
  
"Is it really that easy Fei-love? Honestly?"  
  
-="Hai"=-  
  
He wanted to... was half way there... only needed to make the other half of his decision... "Can I?" he was ready; felt the warmth wrapped around him stand, leaving him to be in the middle of the gazebo. His eyes were still closed, but he could mentally see his lover standing there, arms open wide, welcomingly.  
  
-="You can Duo... you know what to do..."=- so much love, hope warmth in that sweet voice, -="Come, join me and be free... I promised forever, and forever is what I'll give... Please, don't worry about anything, we took care of that; you remember, I know you do... Please, just... let go... Join me..."=-  
  
He knew... Duo knew he was worrying for nothing, but he couldn't help it! Those damned fears choose now to creep back upon him, but no more. He would not fear. He would not hesitate. He was going, he was going to be with his love once more and leave this place. He could always drop in on his family to check on them; they'd be fine. Sad but okay, they had each other, just like they always had.  
  
Sitting up straight, back against the small wall be hind him Duo took in a long, deep breath, held it for a moment and then let it out in a shuddering breath. He stood, felt lighter then before... Opened his vibrant violet eyes and smiled... his first honest to Gods, happy smile in three years as he walked towards his lover, embracing him like his life depended on it... but it didn't... not anymore.  
  
As the pair embraced, lost in one another by their soul-joining kiss, the moon came out, shinning them in her silvery light, silently blessing them with all her grandest wishes. And then they parted, each gasping for breath, staring into the others eyes before giving bright smiles and walking away, down the gazebo's steps and into the night, lost to the dark shadows as the moon hid behind her clouds veil.  
  
As the pair disappeared within night's darkness they left two things behind them... the gazebo where they spent so much time together... and there, on the back bench slumped against it's small wall, was the body of a young braided man... a body that had been nothing more then a husk for that man going on three years now as he finally joined his lover in freedom.  
  
For on September 4th, AC205, Chang-Maxwell Wufei died of cancer in Winner Memorial Hospital at 11:38pm, in his husbands arms...  
  
.  
  
oOo@oOo  
  
That Beautiful Goodbye...  
  
oOo@oOo@oOo  
  
'  
  
.  
  
/*\_/*\_/*\_/*\_/*\_/*\_/*\_/*\_/*\_/*\_/*\_/*\_/*\_/*\  
  
'  
  
::snifles:: Gods, read that last part listening to "I Will Remember You".. nearly a tear jerker. ::smiles happily:: Well people, there ya go. Another one of them one-shot songfics that's been bugging me to be finished and I'm only too happy to comply. If I can get more of the OS-SF's out of the way, then that'll be less distraction for my other mulitchapter stories. ^__^ Be happy. Be very happy. ::laughs:: Honestly don't mind me, I'm a little hyper, but so tired right now... 4:20am.. o.O Nuts, definitely... Welps! Please do let me know whatcha thought of it! Feed back is muchly appreacited!!  
  
.  
  
Keep it kickin'!  
  
~ Anime Redneck  
  
.  
  
The Certifiable Songfic Queen  
  
. 


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